At 62.5 years of age, many things which have impacted my life have finally come 'full circle' in my thoughts! Life is a dance and some of us perform as well as possible...others, burn the floor with their moves, twirls and coordination. My life has moved in circles, some overlapping, others distancing from the core. Although I've had many experiences, all in all, I fell short of the mark.
Growing up in Central Texas with the wind at my back allowed me to laugh, run, play and discover. I grew up a 'giver', unconditional love, aide to those in need, visits at the rest home with my dad's brother and sharing my time with different family members overtaken with illness or hospitalized. I've always been told I'm to 'giving' and my heart too open. Finally, it resonates in my mind. I've got it.
The last year proved to be one of the scariest, most challenging and difficult times I have ever faced. After two years of recession, the wave swept across the educational world, limiting the number of interns I would have for the school year, 2010-2011. Rather than a load of 26+ I was fortunate to have a total of 18 for the fall semester. Following life changes, divorce, new beginnings and free fall with my retirement 'job' of Field Supervisor...the sky above me boiled and loomed like an angry serpent.
Lap Band in March, '09 had given new life to this 'ol gal, very grateful for the good health and renewed energy to maneuver day to day. However, with the financial realm crumbling, for the first time ever, I experienced the 'fight' or 'flight' syndrome. For a week, I wanted to turn and run. That meant lose the house, rid myself of many of those things I had spent a lifetime collecting and becoming one more individual who could not make it.
After anguishing thought, planning within the eye of a needle and forecasting the possibilities, I decided to confront my situation.I am glad to say...I WIN! Back on my feet, able to live day to day and enjoy the small pleasures that come my way.
However, as I drove up into the country today, I pondered steadfast on the life lessons I have learned. One of those is....I've always talked too much and shared too much information. That's changed these days. It dawned on me although I might hear from friends or family, it's how are you? What have you been up to? We love you stay in touch. Thus, I've learned to lay low, live my day to day life and understand no one's really interested in the menial things I do daily.
The next thing I learned...lots of folks LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ME. But, when it came to the brink of financial decay....they hoped, hoped, hoped I survived. That was nice--but, an eye opener ...everyone is on their own when it comes to money. Someone did step in with a check for a hundred dollars three different months. That was a life saver. But for their goodness and sharing, I would not be the winner in the entire ordeal. Yes, I'm very grateful for that.
I truly admire all individuals that have soared in life, career, finances and more. I celebrate their intelligence, planning and outlook. My primary lesson learned at this late stage of life....those who have money, worked hard for it and they will keep it for the future. Understood. And, if someone's limping in today's world, they become a slight 'threat' to humanity. Thus, this 'ol girl has stood taller and walked with more of a determination.
Life is lived fast and furious. Sometimes, the gold lining passes on by and sometimes we get a glimpse of small shred of that lining. But, it's every man/woman for himself/herself. Bottom line for me...all of my circles are hooked together finally and I dangle from the bottom of the heap awaiting the next onslaught of experiences.
Someone asked who they should call for me in case of an emergency. I smiled, blinked and replied, "no one really. We're all on our own these days." As a single woman, aging (lol) daily, with a few 'hitches' in her git-a-long...I am woman hear me roar. I've given lots to people all of my life...time to give to me. With that in mind, this is my last post. Not really sure that too many folks were really 'rolling' with it anyhow.
I haven't lost my laughter. I'm just more careful where it rolls. There are a couple of special people in my life...and, I love family and friends. I'm just more leary of expecting anything from anyone.Game, match, set. The FAT LADY has sung!
Life is a journey. I just think it's nicer with others 'in it'. Just sayin'.
About Me
- txspatter
- Humble, Texas, United States
- Retired educator, retired freelance photographer, retired life. I loved the classroom, laughter of the students, small successes that made them glow and the feeling of 'family' among faculty. However, job done and on to new things. Life was on 'cruise control' until March, 2004...and then, there was a halting screech, lung and heart issues and physicians galore. But, I beat the odds and HERE I AM...STILL HUFFIN' AND PUFFIN'!!! Let's see where this leads.....
